Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
