A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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