Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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