is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
