who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
