i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
