Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
