ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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