problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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