Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
