They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
