Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm both gender and math confused
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
