i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
