wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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