Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
