i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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