I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My feet surprised me
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