Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize