he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
