I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
