At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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