Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
