I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
