By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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