Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
