Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
