She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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