don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
