so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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