you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
