True but thats because hes a fetus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
