She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
