Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
