why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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