he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
