Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
