mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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