I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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