Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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