fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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