I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
