dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
