So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
