It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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