HIV tests are more positive than that guy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Green mimosas i think yes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
