One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
