Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
