I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
