He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
