i barfeds in our rink
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize