yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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