my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
