Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize