apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
