you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
