pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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