Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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