I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
