Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I AM VODKA MAN
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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