I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
