i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
