I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
