She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
