the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
