I didn't shave. On purpose
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
