batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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