guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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