totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
