I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
