You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
