On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
