I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
