Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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