so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
