literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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