Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
