I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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