Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my poor anus
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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