One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
