see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
