You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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