everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
