Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
