why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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