....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If its not for food we ain't going out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
