quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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