guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
