Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
