you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
