do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
