Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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