Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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