Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
