I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
