There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
