If that was your dad, he is hot
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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