So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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