Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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