I smell stomach acid.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
