New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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