I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
