you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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