I'm so fucking centered right now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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