She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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