Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize