I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize