Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
